You know you have been in France for a long time when... * You are convinced that laws were invented to keep the police busy. * You don't see any reason to respect the law unless there is a police officer nearby. * You order tripe sausage whenever to happen to be in Lyon. * You actually enjoy going shopping for food, because it gives you the opportunity to chat with the merchants. * You think it is perfectly OK to have a bottle of wine with your lunch in the middle of the week. * You think showing up only half an hour late for a dinner party might be too early. * You can no longer tell the difference between a public sidewalk and a dog toilet. * You can no longer tell the difference between a lawn and a dog toilet. * You think it's normal to walk on the street because parked cars prevent you from using the sidewalk. * You take the afternoon off to go to the post office. * You know more than 10 different words derived from `shit'. * You use more than 5 of them on a daily basis. * You consider buying a new 100 EUR fountain pen. * You actually prefer a fountain pen to a ball-point pen. * You see a grammatically very complicated phrase, and consider using it the next time you write email to your friends. * You consider cutting down a tree because it might one day grow so tall that there is a risk it might fall on your house. * Pruned trees look normal to you. * You think the non-smoking sign applies to a 50cm radius around it. * You consider the possibility of serving sweetbreads to you foreign guests. * You actually serve gizzard salad to your foreign guests. * The fact that there is no parking place within 10m of the place you want to be is the fault of the government, so you invent one right there. * Your arms automatically move when you talk. * You know the gestures for things like `boring', `fed up', etc. * You actually use those gestures regularly. * You can't imagine a meal without bread. * You can't imagine a meal without wine. * You can't imagine a meal without cheese. * You understand the logic behind the department numbers. * You can tell from the license plate of a car where it is from. * You instinctively put the number of the department on your English-language CV. * You know the difference between a `department' and a `territory'. * You think area codes are for wimps. * You think it's normal that you can't pay your bills on the Internet even in the 21st century. * You accept `liver crisis' as a real disease. * You think antibiotics might after all cure your cold, and in any case, it can't hurt. * You think it is normal for the pharmacy to carry homeopathic medications. * You take the mushrooms you picked to the pharmacy to make sure the are not toxic. * You think it is OK to discuss your medical problems with the staff and the other customers of the pharmacy. * You regularly buy medication without prescription that legally requires one. * You buy 90% alcohol at the pharmacy, but you wouldn't consider drinking that disgusting stuff. * You know which pharmacy in your neighborhood is open the following Sunday. * You actually enjoy spending the first few days of your vacation parked on a motorway with all the others that left at the same time as you. * You bring your pocket knife to the beach so that you can snack on the odd oyster lying around. * You buy the ham even though the butcher sneezed in his hands before slicing it up. * You think that it is normal for the butcher to sell wine. * You think that it is normal for the baker to sell wine. * You think that it is normal for the tobacco store to sell wine. * You think that it is normal for the gas station to sell wine. * You prefer the dubbed version of your favorite TV show. * You decide to take a shower at the time of your favorite TV show, because you know it is going to be at least 10 minutes late. * You are surprised when there hasn't been any major strike for a few months. * You buy the new-year calendar from your garbage collectors, to make sure your trash will be picked up next year. * You buy the new-year calendar from the police and the fire department in case you might need their help during the next year. * You like to listen to Johnny Halliday. * Sour cream, gizzards, and duck liver all sound like perfectly ordinary pizza ingredients. * You are longing for some mashed potatoes mixed with cod fish. * You turn on the TV in order to watch the new-year speech by the president. * You no longer react when the vegetarian salad you ordered has bacon pieces in it. * It seems reasonable for a souvenir store to be closed for vacation during the tourist season. * "nun's farts", "piss-in-bed salad", and "goat's turds" all sound like reasonable names for food.